The Humble Life of Staff
by Vaz1201
Summary: Let's see what life was like in the eyes of Jack's "Staff" through this two part story.


**A/N: I do not own Rise of the Guardians!**

**Now this little two part story is for a blogger who won my heart on tumble. **

**So enjoy the crappy version of Jack's "Staff" in this fanfiction. **

**Granted, I did not have a beta for this, so there are errors. **

**Anyway, READ REVIEW AND ENJOY EVERYONE**

* * *

I use to live a humble life.

I was a mighty tree living in the quiet forest among my siblings and relatives. All was well. Born from a fine acorn fallen from my mother's arms, I grew tall and strong over the years, still a young tree.

Until that horrible day some ugly, hair, lumberjack came with a huge axe and chopped me down.

Who the hell does that? I mean, I wasn't bothering anyone, and why me? My grandmother was just a few steps away from me and she's senile! At least fifty years of rot running through her rings.

And get this, after falling painfully on my back, my beautiful branches and leaves' falling to the ground, the large ape wraps a chain around me and takes it upon himself to DRAG me through the mud and filth of the woods. Not to mention he shaved and cut me of my limbs, leaving me stark naked in front of the lovely maples and ferns. Damn it. There goes my reputation…I could hear the animals and birds snicker at my now nude body, feeling embarrassment and violated by this man.

Don't cry, be the tree you know you are, DON'T CRY DAMN IT.

After days being loaded and transported by stinky ass mules, I was taken to a village of other ugly humans. The man who cut me down trimmed me even more, cutting me down into a medium size log. My once gorgeous large tall body was now just a stump. But at least I'm still pretty thick, and we all know the ladies love a hard thick imagine of wood.

Being dropped with another pile of captive slaves of my people, I stayed quiet as I felt strange human hands groped and examine me, of what I was not sure. Mother never told me much of humans and what they did to us trees and bushes but from the way these people touched me, I didn't _want_ to know what evil and perverted things they were up to.

A few days went by and still I was not "sold" by anybody.

I guess these jerks don't know what a good piece of wood looks like. Pfft. Peasants.

"Hey what about this one Jack?"

A small girl's voice caught my attention as she pointed at me. Little piss. Don't point at me! I swear no manners these days none of these humans do!

And that's when I saw him, Mr. Show-It-Off Jack!

Eyes scanned over me and I heard the boy grunt, "It's not that great but I guess it'll do. Mom wants me to carve a new herding stick anyway." The boy had a little trouble picking me up and dropped me halfway, my face dragging along the floor.

Little shit.

And what's this about a "stick"? I am no one's STICK. I am a TREE! Well, maybe not a tree but damn it a LOG. Do they not realize what a log can _do_? My GOD. My uncle was a fallen log for years and had a family of skunks living in him for years.

YEARS. That's a record; most skunks usually can't stand living in log houses. But he did have a bad case of ants and termites…and everybody knows those damn things you just don't get on your own. Uncle always said Aunt Ivy was a whore. Mother wasn't too fond of Aunt Ivy either. I guess that's why nobody visits her anymore since Uncle fell…

But that's side tracking. Now where was I?

Oh yeaaah. So this boy Jack takes me to his "peachy" home on the outskirts of the human village and puts me next to some weird looking stone like tunnel…thing. Where Jack went, I have no idea. I could care less at this moment as I search my surroundings. The black tunnel still caught my attention, whatever it was; it was black and smelled awful. Glancing closer with my eyes (yes, we trees have eyes, but you humans are too stupid to see them) I could feel the sap sweat from my bark.

Oh God.

I see now Mother. What these _humans_ do to us.

They BURN us. For what? It's not even _cold_ in here. And what's wrong with the cold? It's nice and refreshing. I mean-

PLEASE NO GOD DON'T BURN ME. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR. MOTHER PLEASE NO. WHY OH GOD WHY!

I know I'll escape! Yes, just roll out of here and live a life like my Uncle! Yes sweet freedom is mine!

I made the attempt to move and a thunk was made when I fell from my position.

Shit.

I'm stuck.

Wait, who's that bitch?

An older woman (I'd say at least…maybe in her thirties by human age?) picked me up, wiping off the dirt from my butt. Oh dare her.

"Ugh Jack is so thoughtless. And here I thought he'd wash this before I carved him a new herding staff."

Staff? What's a staff? Whatever it was I guess it was hard of hearing.

Taking me a round _wooden _bowl, the woman cleaned and polished me with fresh water, scrubbing the dirt and grime from my bark.

Hmm. Maybe I wasn't to be burn. And this lady seemed nice. But I can't trust her a hundred percent because she did touch my butt. Perverted old lady. I see no man around so I guess I'm the only good looking thing she has.

After cleaning me, the woman set me gently on a table and straightened me up. Taking a sharp…silver…tool…

Wait, lady, no what are you doing?

Ow.

Ow.

Ow.

Bitch that hurts, that's my skin!

OW!

OOWW!

No stop, please NO!

PLEASE STOP NO IT HURTS.

The world went black. But only for a few minutes. When I awoke, I felt twenties times lighter and slightly odd as my face was in a weird position. The lady blew at me, my shavings falling off my know _skin pathetic figure_ and she held me with pride, running her fingers of the new base of my neck.

Don't you touch me, I hate you sooo much.

Setting me up against the wall, I watched in weariness as she cleaned up my remaining body parts, sweeping away the bark and wood of my body out the door.

Bitch, I hope I gave you a splinter.

Hours later the boy called Jack comes back and is WAY to eager to touch me, grabbing me with his hands and swinging me around in excitement.

"Wow Mom! You did a great job on this one!"

"Now Jack don't be too rough with it, I don't want you breaking it like you did the others."

Wait, others?

Dear God woman, you know this boy is prone to breaking and abusing wood and you _still_ give him one? What is wrong with you? I-I can't even comprehend what is wrong with the human race. I am a being of POWER, not something that can be used and abused or tainted. Do these _freaks_ not realize I create life and AIR? Without me, they wouldn't have SHIT.

Eh. At least they didn't mark me with that horrible ink they call "art" That shit burns.

The next few months were horrible. Summer was brutal as Jack used me to herd the sheep and cattle, using my poor body to poke and probe these poor animals. I don't think Jack realizes when he uses me; he's poking my FACE into the behinds of these animals.

And he doesn't wash me.

Ever.

I'm like so dirty that I'm not even _white tan_ anymore. The stupid woman stripped me of my bark, so I was only just my white core of wood.

Now I'm brown.

From _filth_.

But I can't say I didn't grow fond of Jack; in a weird loathing kind of way. He used me a lot in in pranking escapades, once putting a sheet over me with holes to make me appear as a ghost. I can say that was pretty funny.

But most of the time it was just work, work, work and more work. Man I hate work. I miss being a tree. I miss my squirrel friends and Mr. Owl. I miss my Mother. I miss my brothers and sisters. Oh well. I wish Jack could just hear me, so maybe even if I couldn't be a tree anymore he could at least take me to my family.

_Sigh_.

Now here's the part of the story you were ALL waiting for.

Winter. Oh yeah. For most trees we'd just sleep the winter off until spring but not me…not this year.

It was this year that everything changed, for both Jack and I.

It was a normal chilly morning. The family herd of animals were locked up in stables and life seemed a lot simpler. I was GLAD because I didn't have to work my ass off for Jack. But today Jack wanted to go out and "skate" with his little sister. You know, the one who picked me out of those losers a few months back, yeah her. She was okay. She rarely touched or used me so I guess that's why I liked her.

At the lake, his sister had already put her ice skates on and was already gliding along the ice. Jack was barefooted, about to put on his when his sister called out for help.

I knew this wasn't going to be good.

Grabbing me, Jack ran out to where his sister called, stopping instantly when he heard a crack under his feet and his sister a few feet away from him, frozen in fear.

And well, you get the idea on what happened. I saved the day and Jack's sister made it.

But Jack wasn't so lucky. Neither was I.

I don't remember much but I understand now what humans didn't like about the cold.

I mean, I was out on the ice for _ten fucking days_.

Those humans didn't even bother to GRAB me when they came searching for Jack's dead body. Really? I was the boy's BEST FRIEND, I was always with him, you would think that mother of is would of taken me as a memento or something. Whatever. Finally though, I'm FREE.

Alone…

BUT FREE.

Cold…

BUT FREE…

And that's…

Okay right?

Yeah. I mean, who needs them. All they ever did was make me work and throw me around.

And keep me warm…

…and dry.

And yeah, I haven't seen my Mother in months or my siblings.

But at least I wasn't alone.

At least I had Jack's family to keep me company.

I mean…

…my _family_.

Jack why did you have to die? I know, I know you were my favorite person but…you weren't a _bad_ person either. Even if you can't hear me, or I won't be able to admit this to you but…

You are my friend.

DAMN IT JACK WHY?

Oh, what's that?

JESUS. Can you please turn off your BLINDING light you stupid Moon? I swear it's so annoying. I'm trying to mourn in PEACE and quietness and you're just BLOCKING it with your big light of WHITNESS.

Ow.

Ow.

Why am I suddenly burning and itching all of a sudden? Ugh...I feel sick to. Like I'm gonna throw up a mouthful of sap. Is this...is this what it feels like to be sick? I mean, trees don't get sick so I have NO IDEA what I'm supposed to feel.

And I feel weird and itchy. And I burn to..

Oh no.

AM I BURNING? WHERE? WHERES THE FIRE? OH GOD WHY NOT LIKE THIS. I DON'T WANNA DIE ALONE.

**'Oh will you PLEASE be quiet!'**

**Huh? Who said that?**

**'Yeah you, the staff on the ice. Up here.'**

**Glancing up, my eyes narrowed when I saw who was talking to me in all his glory. The Moon, around and white and seriously killing my eyes with his light.**

Oh. That light was from you? Um could you please turn it off?

**'I"M THE MOON I CANT JUST TURN OFF.'**

Oh...right. Sorry. Well what do you want?

**'I've given you a gift my friend.'**

A gift?...WAIT. Hold on just a minute! Are you the reason why I feel sick and itchy and shitty? *GASP* DID YOU GIVE ME TERMITES? I SWEAR if you did I am so going to sue your ass!

**'Ugh maybe I make a mistake. Look just watch over the kid.'**

Kid? Who Jack? What are you talking about?

And with that the Moon was silent, leaving me to wonder what was going to happen. Before I could ask another question to the obxnious Mr. Moon, I heard a crack. Glancing as far as I could, I saw the ice was breaking not far from me, fear taking over my body.

Oh no. Not only was I violated and probably given some sexually disease but now this dirty ugly lake is going to swallow me whole in its body of water.

Life couldn't be better huh?

Awaiting my watery death, I was stunned when the ice cracked and up came a body of Jack himself, the boy gasping and heaving for air as he floated up. But he wasn't the same Jack I knew, oh no he wasn't. He looked unwell, with white hair and pale skin. I say...did the Moon make Jack an albino? An albino with...BROWN eyebrows? Now that made so sense to me. Was this the special gift he bestowed upon us?

Wait, Jack's back from the dead? So that mean he's...the undead?

Jack's the undead?

Oh no.

_Zombies_.

Hah...but I'll be fine right? I mean, zombies only like HUMAN flesh. Not wood...they need brains and blood or whatever the hell is in humans' right? I mean...I have nothing to worry about. Ha-ha...ha-ha...

...

(Shit)

Jack seemed to be in a deep trance as he stared at Mr. Moon, me unable to know what he was thinking. Walking over to me, he lifted me up and jumped when I fell on my FACE and it was then I knew my true destiny.

That I was a God among my fellow trees.

For I, the Staff, could create...snow and stuff. Yeah.

Heh. I guess I got the better deal. Albinos suck.

Figuring out on what I was capable of, Jack started to have fun with my new found powers, LEAPING into the air and riding on the wind.

(Really though? Never mind...I get to make shitty snow and Jack gets this awesome make over and can JUMP ten times his own natural body? And he can FLY? What shit is that? I mean, seriously. Fuck you Mr. Moon.)

After having his _fun_ with me, Jack and I darted towards his village, the boy trying to figure out what was going on, waving and trying to get the attention of his friends and neighbors. It was then we realized that nobody could see Jack or me. We were invisible to everyone, even the children. They would walk through Jack as if he weren't even there.

Pfft. As if should complain. I myself love the idea of somebody not talking or bumping into me. I mean, do you know how much it HURTS to have someone just RUN out of nowhere and slam there whole body into it you? Yeah. It hurts. Some idiot did that once to me and I lost like three leaves. THREE. Do you guys even know how long it takes to grow a damn leaf? No, you don't.

Anyway...

What had happened it hurt Jack, and in a way it hurt me too. I mean, I was a tree once and we trees rarely get lonesome and besides I'm _used_ to be lonely after the lifestyle I had. But Jack...he's just a human boy. Humans need attention, they _crave_ attention. Hell, I've seen humans so choked up on being alone that they've killed themselves from our branches. It's not pretty. I've seen it before. And that kinda of stuff can hurt a tree too. We don't enjoy death. If anything, we fear it. Sometimes as much as humans do.

Jack jumped onto a nearby tree branch and just stared off at the moon, confused and hurt by what had happened to him. Being in his hands and staring at him with my own two eyes, I knew what had to be done. Yeah, Jack was going to be alone for a long time but so was I. But Jack's my friend. Yeah he can be a little punk sometimes and he doesn't know that I can understand and talk and feel...but that's not his fault. He's just a kid. And me?

Well, I'm the Staff with the powers of Mr. Moon. I mean, I'm like the Jesus Christ of Trees you know?

So yeah, I guess it is my duty to watch over Jack.

I mean, who else does he have?

_We're family_. Even if he doesn't know it.

So it was on this day I pledged myself (half heartily) to watch over Jack, until he found his way through this tragic state of mind. Whatever Mr. Moon had in store for us, I wasn't sure but...

I think we'll be fine. I mean, I made it this far right?

Yeah.

(Oh and by the way. Fuck you Wind. I could care less how Jack thinks of you and if he can _speak_ to you, you're still a douchebag.)


End file.
